A letter to John

Dear John,

You’re sick again? Why have you been taking your health for granted these days? Remember you’re alone in this foreign country and in the event that you become seriously ill, nobody will take care of you. It’s not as if you’re living with your mom and that there’ll be somebody who will replace the wet towel to quell your fever.

You do not eat well. You do not anymore enjoy eating the food that you used to like. I remember you told me that you could eat nem in every meal for the rest of your life, but now you eat for the sake of completing a boring task.

I see you walking everyday going to the bus stop, what’s the reason for that blank stare? I’m not so used seeing you looking expressionless. Sadness is better than not feeling anything. And I noticed that you also put aside writing these days. Why? You told me last time you’ll go crazy if you stop writing. Have you gone crazy?

I attended one of your classes. You seemed to be doing well, in fact very well, but why is it that you seemed too distant from your students. Why do you appear too mechanical, obligated? Has passion escaped you?

These thoughts may rather be random, but I know they reflect the kind of randomness that describes your mind this time. You’ve never had a decent sleep for several nights. You eat nothing but a choice between cheese burger or bolgogi burger in the nearest fast food chain store. You used to detest fast food, but why all of a sudden you eat nothing but these greasy junk.

We may never have had a chance to converse these past few days because of your self-inflicted preoccupation with so many unnecessary things. I do not understand why you have to do part-time when the grant you received from your scholarship is more than enough to pay all your expenses? I know you want nothing but to kill off boredom, but by doing so you also put in peril your health and one of the few non-negotiables in your life-writing. The first few chapters in your novels are waiting for you. The rest remain unwritten. Too sad, when will your characters develop into something mature?

You’ve changed a lot, John, in fact, I cannot anymore recognize. You’ve become a totally different person that when you happen see face to face your old self, it’ll never know you. It’ll never understand why this sudden change made you something different yet unchanged. I apologize for the cryptic language. But I know you understand this.

Good night.
Your self

p.s. Please take your medicine every four hours. Get well soon. Have enough rest.

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