Living without SEX (for now)

I’ve never had sex for as long as I can remember.

I thought I could never live without it, not until now do I realize that I can. It feels good to prove, more to myself than to the world, that indeed life without sex is possible. Sex may be a bliss, but without it life will still go on. It’s not like air, water, or food. Although man is a sexual animal, it does not mean, however, that he should also actualize the physical process of inserting the sexual organs to whatever available orifice in the other person’s body .

It’ll always be a part of one’s adventure, one’s journey towards maturity. I started experimenting with it when I was sixteen, too young for somebody who grew up in an ultra-conservative, predominantly Catholic country. This conservatism may just be superficial for it is an untold, un-talked about public knowledge, but sex or sexuality in general is tolerated so long as it is a private matter, not vulgar.

Writing about sex is new for me. I’ve never tried going beyond the confines of social commentaries before, but it occurred to me that sex is also social if we look at it as an interaction between individuals. Even though it may seem too clinical to look at sex as a social contract, but indeed it is a social contract that demands mutuality, reciprocity, exchange, getting benefits. So writing about sex has been long overdue. I think.

We often tend to romanticize sex, especially if the context is in  the Philippines where it is held sacred, something that only couples blessed with the holy matrimony can immerse themselves into. But sex is a need. It may not be as urgent as the need for air or water; nonetheless, it is a need human beings must satisfy or else they will deny themselves of their humanity (or animality). Well, for me, sex used to have this sanctity. I held it with high esteem, that any sexual act that will prove sacrilegious will only demean sex and will therefore render it less pure, filthy, of the devil. But as I grew older, I, little by little see it as like any other mundane things that human beings must do in order to survive.

We change.

I consider my self relatively experienced when it comes to sex. In fact quite knowledgeable. I’ve had a decent number of encounters and partners. I’ve reached a certain point that it became too compulsory but not too mechanical. Sex like any other entities, I surmise, is also governed by the law of diminishing marginal returns. That is to say, it’ll come to a point when maximum satisfaction has been reached that the addition of new encounters, or partners, will not anymore lead to increased pleasure, in fact it’ll, only lead to coldness, triteness, lack of desire, a feeling of being fed up.

I will not be too arrogant to claim that I have reached that point when it comes to sex, but let us just say that I wouldn’t want to reach that point. For sex minus the excitement will create nothing but soreness and sores (pun intended).

Depiction of the missionary position by Édouard-Henri Avril
Depiction of the missionary position by Édouard-Henri Avril

Having this respite from my multi-colored sex life allows me to think about what it means to have sex. I remember that the most unforgettable love-making I had were with the persons I love. The best ones with the one I am loving now. Sex, no matter how hard we place value to it will never be what it is without romance, without love. We may look at sex as a de-romanticized act of exchanging bodily fluids. No problem. Sooner or later sex will not be enough to provide what the soul needs. It may be entertaining, definitely, but it is entertaining so long as orgasm lasts.

What’s that, 0.8 of a second for men, five minutes or none at all, if not faked, for women? That, for me, is not very entertaining.

I am confident that I shall never reach that point of maximum satisfaction based on the law of diminishing marginal return graph because entities other than those programmed to seek pleasure are at work – love, respect, faith. It’s not just about my penis.

Living for several months without sex used to be unimaginable. But not anymore.


17 thoughts on “Living without SEX (for now)”

  1. Hey John, long time no see! I was without sex from the time I met my wife until the night of our marriage. It was a long wait, but I was celibate before I met so, being in love and waiting for the wedding night was fun, frustrating and highly stimulating. Sex can wait.

    1. hey tom,

      i’ve been very preoccupied. your experience is a unique one. i’ve never heard of anyone who did exactly what you did. simply amazing.

      thanks for sharing.

  2. Maybe so, maybe not. The issue won’t stop anyway, like a circle going over and over again. After all, what’s said has been said, and the comments could just repeat itself all over again.
    Anyway, I’d like to link your blog. You have a lot of good stuff going around here 🙂

    1. thanks. i checked your blog and it’s already linked there. thanks for coming back. i guess there’s no need to respond then. hahahaha.

    1. indeed.

      i failed to respond to previous comments because i did not want to overstretch the issue. but i should have, a lot of unclear thoughts there.

  3. whew….i still believe that Sex is a “dogma”…i mean its sacred and worth-preserving until the right finally comes….anyway fornicatio is a sin,isn’t it????sex is good….but….you have the right for it but its not an absolute right…its alienable…furthermore you cant choose the consequence of yopur right….(char…am rily looking at the negative part of life…its getting wayward….naabot naman sa right…)but still….can you actually sense what im trying to make sense of???anyways….i dint read the whole article….there are people behind me peeking on….char….;p

  4. marvin here feb.


    my username is intended to be that way (pun included)

    can’t help but be amazed at how bravely you made this article. ahehehehe. can’t agree more! TWO THUMBS UP! ^_^

  5. So “kinaray-a” is what you call it guys! Gotcha!

    Why should one feel off about sex; it’s the greatest pleasure, isn’t it? Not unless you’re faking your orgasm. LOL

  6. I enjoy reading your blog… bravo! its high time we take sex of a pedestal and treat it as any other matter than we can write about without having to shudder at the social repercussions of it.

    I agree with a lot that was said by the way. =)

  7. i just can’t help not to leave a comment on this one. we can’t even mention the term for sex (sexual intercourse per se) in our dialect– kinaray-a or hiligaynon — with much ease as we can readily say the term sex, fuck, or whatever it is in English. even in our sociology 106 course (society and population), there was an air of discomfort when we tried to say the term with our classmates and professor. this cultural attrition towards the topic probably is the main reason why the reproductive health bill in the Philippines is stalled once again….

    but we change…that’s inevitable

    i have to agree with you, sex isn’t all about penis nor vagina.

  8. Hi sir, I can’t imagine you wrote about your sex life,hehe. So brave!

    I agree with the idea that sex is part of human needs though we can live without it!

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