Interchangeability and doing a Sylvia

Sylvia Plath

We could go from a nadir-like state to an almost-nirvana in a matter of moments.

The difference between depression and insouciance is too thin that the reason for our rage is the same as the inspiration of our bright outlook.  In fact these two feelings are interchangeable, if not the same. They only differ in the way we manifest and express them or the way people around perceive them in us.

I do not remember having any meaningful conversation with anyone today. Most of the things we talk about are passing subjects that are of little or no consequence at all. But this does not mean I view this as assaulting, as I usually perceive cheap chit chats. In fact these small talks arrest my thoughts and allow me, even for a brief moment, to deceive my mind and to forget about the bigger questions I have of life. Questions that sometimes bring me to a point that I become Sylvia Plath-ish.

So I allow myself to be drowned in these conversations without actually letting myself sink in. I keep myself from feeling too comfortable, and not forgetting the limit I set on the stupidity of the conversation. I leave if it starts to show signs of being unbearable.

The rule is simple: Avoid the people whom you think are base enough, dull enough, and annoying enough. Give them a smile, okay a sarcastic grin would do, and that’s it. Deny their existence. Affirm their presence, though, the time you need them.

You can’t be nice to everyone. So at least, spare them your bratty attitude, and just leave them alone in the event that you cannot bring yourself to meet halfway with the other person. However, avoid treating them as your enemies. Declaring somebody your enemy is a recognition on your part that the other person is your equal. That’s a pitfall we get trapped in most of the time. As much as possible do not make enemies. Just as you do not make friend as easily.

I always bring books with me wherever I go. And these are not only to pass time, they’re also a weapon to avoid or to get rid of noxious people. It’s a warning sign that says “approach at your own risk” or time for you to go because I am starting to have seizure from your lack of sense.

* * *

I am a glutton in the making. I downed a Wendy’s Biggie fries and coke, a cheese burger, and a 7eleven beef sausage and pineapple juice that’s after having my dinner of 2 cups of rice and fish stew four hours ago. Bad…bad…


9 thoughts on “Interchangeability and doing a Sylvia”

  1. hanna,

    most often, we only need to be reminded or to be reaffirmed of things we already know. and life is made better by people who do exactly this. i wish you all the best.

  2. John Ryan Recabar,
    I appreciated you replying. It’s nice to hear that I don’t have to be something I’m not, or feel something I don’t, it gets pretty exhausting so it’s good to know that it doesn’t have to be selfish or mean if I disregard someone and maybe they shouldn’t think that everything I feel has to do with them. But I must say it makes me feel better and less lonely knowing these things.

  3. It seems that every time I give into the so called dull people they disappoint me and I’m left in a worse state than the hopeless desperation I felt for normalcy that led me to speak to them in the first place. Sometimes people are so thick that when I very clearly ignore them or don’t want to talk, maybe when reading a book, they still find a way to blow through any clear but invisible barriers I’ve set up and talk to me, as if I really want to hear what they have to say. I’m so tired of the conversations that come up, what’s the point in talking if all you have to say is what everyone else has already said far too many times? I begin to feel hate towards them, but then I feel guilty and feel even more tired than before and just wish I had stayed away and never given any invitational looks. I should mold my face to a frightening frown and hope that no one wants to talk to me, though I suppose I’d feel lonely. I’m just waiting for my fresh start and hoping that that will force me to lighten up, or maybe I will willingly.

    1. Hanna A. Drummond,

      i’m glad you rediscovered this post. re-reading this, i realized how sad i must have been, and sometimes still am. but this does nit change in any way my views regarding small talks. i salute you for being strong and brave enough to stand by what you think is right.

      there is no need to work on lightening up. it should be something that is not forced. for now, my only hope is you find that resolve to do things in the way you want them and not to feel bad just because you went against the grain of other people’s expectations.

  4. but in the end, it is better to be dull than insane. insane people are hopeless. sometimes i’d rather be dull, but i know it’s impossible because it is hopelessly impossible to escape insanity. and so i remain here stranded, unable to go further than this cage i call insanity

  5. The dull threaten the insane, coaxing them into conversation with accessible ideas (often repeated as if to double the importance) and seemingly useful knowledge of pop culture. Idiotic people are almost better–they sometimes laugh at my jokes.

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