On this whole business they call “having a family”

20-week Fetus

Seeing a former classmate in the latter part of the second trimester of her pregnancy feels a little bit icky. Accuse me of being a bigot who holds on too tightly to the image of the past and whose idea of treachery is tampering with my memory of the good ol’ days when all the girls are flat-chested and the guys are shrill-voiced. These boys and girls, myself including, I reason, are too green to be parents.

Whenever I hear of a former classmate who got pregnant, has gotten somebody pregnant, or has gotten married too early, I feel being left out in the grand exodus of the people of my age from an age of carefree abandon to something mired with big and real responsibilities. Although I do not deny that I pity them a bit for letting go of this precious time when they’re supposed to think about running after their dreams and trying their luck. Being with somebody and being connected with that somebody by virtue of a marital vow or a child, accidental or intentional, can be rather tempting.

I cannot see myself being enmeshed in this difficult undertaking of having my own family anytime soon. I fear the entire endeavor, but I think of it almost all the time. If I follow my parents’ example, I would already have a child in his 20s by the time I reach my mid-forties.

How can I possibly support a child this time when I am hardly able to support myself and my lifestyle? Or are there people who are genetically more suitable to mate and bring up offspring, therefore ensuring the continuation of the species; and those, like me, who are meant to seek worldly pleasures and to allow the species to experiment on the limits of intellectual growth but are destined to be evolutionary dead-ends?

Da Vinci Fetus

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4 thoughts on “On this whole business they call “having a family””

  1. sad, but most people think that this way of thinking is a sign of lack of a sense of responsibility. still i can’t bring myself to have a family any time soon. however, it’ll be more irresponsible giving life to somebody but not being able to give it a decent life.

  2. i cannot agree more with this. i’m of the same opinion. people back home have been asking me to get married and more especially recently because out of the five kids i’m the only one without a kid and my own family. and to think i’m not the youngest…

    building a family is good if the family will be supportive, this is more so if you come from a dysfunctional home – why else kids from broken families marry early? to look for a sense of belonging is natural in human after all.

    but how can a supportive structure be achieved if you’re gonna have kids who could scarce support you emotionally? feeding kids is a definite motivation but if you’re not earning enough to be comfortable on your own, a family does not in any way alleviate or improve resource constraints! unless you marry a filthy rich octogenarian…

    that’s why i think there’s an intergenerational inadequacy of sorts in the philippines. people marry early and don’t really realize their own potential. some decide on the temporary, or whatever gives the thrills, or because of the trend, but in the end, will you self-actualize?

    maybe we’re too selfish, and probably selfishness is synonymous with being rational (:

  3. i’d rather be more traditional, so i wouldn’t. but i hate being traditional, so i also wouldn’t choose having a family of my own (yet).

  4. i think that having a family is not having a private corporation that endeavors to pile up profits for its clan. sometimes we think that having a family resembles hardships that you are working for the family, sacrificing for the family and perhaps keeping wealth to the family. those things would probably obtain demands that breed selfishness and short sightedness.we are responsible for what we have been doing. would you like to have a family that performs rules and roles in order to survive? i would.

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