Abolishing Christmas

MEMORANDUM No. 465371799199121

SUBJECT: Abolition of Christmas and declaring it a null celebration

ORIGIN: The Holy Office of the Holiest

23rd December 2009


After a thorough discussion with all the concerned departments within the tiers of the Holy Government of Heaven, I hereby formally dissolve Christmas from the list of sanctioned celebration. This goes without saying that everything that has to do with it will also be erased from mankind’s collective memory.

Any complaints or appeals may be forwarded to the College of Saints, but to set everyone’s expectation, the ruling is final and executory. The appeal may be opened for further assessment; however, this universal law has already been set to place and will be effective on the eve of 25th of December of this year. And whatever question it will raise is moot and academic as the college will again convene two centuries from now.

We already anticipated that some sector, the minority I gathered, will ask for an explanation to this hasty pronouncement. Below are justifications:

1. Christmas is outdated, outmoded, a vestige of the past. The Government of Heaven is projecting an image of modernity, or postmodernity if you want to call it this way. Being stuck in this half-pagan exercise is contradictory to the path this Government is heading.

2. It is nothing but sheer garb. And materialism is something this Government frowns upon. Therefore Christmas must go.

3. Although it is not our responsibility to meddle with mankind’s banal concerns, Christmas is disruptive to the normal flow of trade. It is an anomaly that creates artificial needs, supply, and demand. Like materialism, artificiality is also a hated enemy of the Government. Notice the absence of plastic vegetation in the Holy Office of the Holiest. Except for the stuffed rubber elephant in the south section, everything is real.

4. The color motifs of the celebration, red and green, have the worst possible combination in the color wheel that when mixed result to black. Black, as we are all aware, is the color associated to the enemy, the devil, Lucifer.

5. And finally, Christmas is a sham. Therefore, it inevitably makes sham out of the human species. They forgive their enemies, love one another, and maintain a semblance of uneasy peace because it’s Christmas. Come on! You expect my esteemed office to believe this scam?

Effective 24th of December, no Christmas or any of its derivative may be celebrated. So ordered.


College of Saints

Space Police

American Psycho Association


All mankind concerned


12 thoughts on “Abolishing Christmas”

  1. Oh, the site is very interesting. i’ll find time to explore it and take advantage of all its features. thanks a lot.

    1. hahaha, I just arrived from the city. I’ll check that site after i’m done with my readings. This has been a busy day.

  2. i speak cebuano but can’t write it, unfortunately, actually am weak in languages or anything involving the brain for that matter :). i envy those who can write in their mother tongue and am forever explaining why i can’t in my own. spoken and written languages do differ after all, don’t they?
    hehe, i checked my email yesterday, yes it’s working :). i just don’t use it, that’s all. it’s only useful for getting news bulletins, etc.
    i’m afraid i wouldn’t know what to do with fishbook or whatever. internet is simply not my medium, hahaha, as if i were better with pen and paper. me no read, no write :(.

  3. i’b,

    i’ll try to be less morbid. so you speak better sugbuanon than hiligaynon? i’ll try to search for those vietnamese titles.

  4. oh, no, can’t figure out what ‘sulay’ means when used with snow :(. regret losing my ilonggo, tho i’d still understand a lot, i think. in sugbuanon it’d be ‘try’ but sounds weird. nothing to do with snow, my cold, just wanted to go native & walk around bare-headed, sa kagara-on, di nag-trankaso.
    have you watched ‘the seventh seal’ dubbed or subtitled? if subtitled, you’ve probably noticed that the hiligaynon accent is very much like swedish, hahaha. so i guess if you speak english like an ilonggo, ga-swedish ka na kay ang dutch, daw cebuano man kuno na ga-iningles, matigas ang accent, hahaha, just like ur neighbors :).
    oh, kag isa pa, got a copy of cyclo/scent of green papayas vietnamese subtitled german. can pass it on as soon as i’ve watched it kay cyclo i saw only on tv tapos hazy medyo can’t remember na. ang libro na gin-promise ko, wa-ay pa gid ko kakadto sa british bookshop, pero may oras pa man siguro ko magpangita. pasensya lang anay. i-update ko lang diretso pag may nakita na ko, pero it was there last time i went, in the summer, methinks. ciao and be less morbid :).

  5. you’ve pulled my leg too hard that i think it’s not anymore where it should be. hahaha.

    truth, once it’s written on paper becomes fiction, so the aim now is how to be less fictional.

    indi na magsulay sa snow next time ah. it’s funny when we use the hiligaynon verb ‘sulay’ with snow. heheh.

    take care.

  6. new year’s eve was quite boring, had a cold from going out without head cover.
    sayang, if i knew you had such musical neighbors, ha ha ha, i’d have known where to have some free entertainment, he he. tho’, ur right, 3 nights long would drive anyone quite mad. ur parents are really the picture of the perfect civilised people for knowing how to deal with otherwise irritating circumstances, that is, the true meaning of laissez-faire. it looks like you do inherit that from them after all, as you did show some restraint yourself. mabuti na lang you didn’t splash it on the papers as an al-qaeda conspiracy against your mental health, hahaha. choosing between reading the leading intl papers or your blog, i easily choose the latter, there’s less fiction in it, he he.

  7. i.b, hahaha. no worries. i often commit the same mistake. sometimes, i can go so crazy as to justify that the two items are a single entity making them singular in meaning.

    but it doesn’t matter. how was your new year?

  8. where gluttony & mild alcoholism ‘is’ acceptable.
    as a real true-blood ilonggo, you’d be too much of a gentleman to correct this:-).
    *’are’ acceptable.
    sorry ’bout that but i’m handicapped in grammar.

  9. hahaha, true, i forgot to mention those. okay. for some people who work, christmas may be celebrated. ahahah.

    warm greetings from here.

  10. no way! i move to reconsider this motion. after a year’s hard manual labor, which is entirely different from just lording it over university students (with all respect, he he), myself & others need the sanctioned holiday where gluttony & mild alcoholism is acceptable, he he. accept the points on artificiality and paganism, though, move to stop the pretense of the whole thing having to do with Christianity. frankly not seeing the connection between xmas tree, mistletoe, kitschy paper foil, glittering decor etc and the birth of Christ. :-).

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