People in their twenties fiddle with the idea of dying because death is too remote from where they stand. Suicide is sexy because it is the ultimate form of freedom. Dying for a cause, an ideology, or an advocacy is the noblest reason to die. Giving up one’s life for love is the most romantic justification to terminate life. I used to think this way.
It was only this morning did it become clear to me that these particularly strong statements regarding death are all in the figurative.
I was not scared of dying because I was made to believe that I had my entire life ahead of me. My youth, vitality, passion, I was offering these all to the world. And death was too removed from my reality. It existed in a separate dimension, and that it would not converge with mine until the next fifty years. But what if I could die tomorrow, wouldn’t I be scared? What if I could possibly die at the age of 23, wouldn’t I be scared?
I received a message last night that somebody I barely knew had died. If he were a close friend, I would know the right way to feel. But other than that chance encounter and some failed plans to meet again, the man was an apparition. The situation is alien to me; I do not know how to appropriately react. His path was one of those that Fate mistakenly allowed to cross with mine. But of the many people I’ve met along, he’s one of those I’ve never forgotten
“Hi, i am d sister of Raffy. He owned dis number. He just passed away at 11:20pm. Pls pray 4 his soul.”
He’s too young, around my age, to die. If he died at the age of 23, then my dying tomorrow, this evening, or later, is closer than I thought.
When one knows he’ll die six months from now, he is awed by death’s power and in turn respects and accepts it. When he is in his seventies and knows death is coming anytime but does not certainly know when, he shudders in fear but makes sure that the people around him do not sense this fear. However when one is in his twenties and learns that death is lurking around capable of cutting short all his dreams, caprice, his bravado, the thought drives him mad.