I want…

I want to eat peanut butter, just peanut butter. I want to have a straight eight-hour sleep, not three, four, or five. I want to ride a tapir, not a tricycle, a jeepney, or a train. I want to stay home for a whole day and finish everything in my reading list. I want to swim some more lapses. I want my mother’s laswa soaking in hot Dinorado rice. I want to go to Pampanga and be with my sister, I miss her doting kindness. I want to ride a plane, now. I want to see a giraffe kicking a hyena in the face. I want to fill this page with non-sense. I want to splatter Jollibee spaghetti on the first person I meet wearing white. I want to insert my wet middle finger in the electric outlet behind me. I want to shout at the people living in the room facing ours and tell them how gay the color of their curtains is. I want to glutton on a gallon of stale vanilla ice cream. I want to drink the water from tap downstairs and wait if I contract cholera or die from typhoid. I want to seal the room shut, turn off the air-con and find out how long it will take before my lungs collapse because of asphyxia. I want to have a fishbowl, without a fish, because I can’t have a fish. I want to have a birdcage, just the birdcage, I cannot have a bird inside. But if I can, I want to have a myna and teach it how to eloquently blurt all the expletives I know.

I want to take a shower. I want to eat, I am hungry. I want to wash all my dirty pants by hand. I want to confess to the owner of the stray wi-fi signal named Belkin_e0d37a that I am having a free ride and that I am willing to pay him for the time I, unintentionally, used his signal to publish several of the posts here. I want to delete my Facebook account. I want to apologize to my readers for me having written this far and for them having read this extent.

I want to extract all my molar teeth using a pair of pliers. I want to shout at the top of my lungs that I am          . I want to think that I am being read. I want to think that what I have to say matters. I want to.

I want to simply continue writing this. I want to clean the house. I want to water the plant I have always wanted to have, but never had. I want to see my vibrantly verdant bougainvillea (it would have been this species) crawl and colonize the house until the living room resembles like a Peruvian sarcophagus. I want to know why I am entertaining these thoughts and have mustered enough bitter gall to publish them.

I want to think that by writing these things I want but cannot have or do I am finally acknowledging that some things go nowhere. And that other things, the nonsensical ones especially, get to be written down here.

22 thoughts on “I want…”

  1. Love in the Time of Cholera…

    Haha. I wouldn’t put it that way…don’t get me started on signs and symptoms. Haha. I’ll think about what makes love similar to cholera, I vaguely remember the connection made by García Márquez. Have to read that book again or watch the movie.Haha

    1. that’s just it. according to the mother of the male protagonist, his son showed the same symptoms as that of cholera’s when he fell in love with the woman.

    1. oh really? is it? they say that the symptoms of cholera are similar to those experienced by people who are in love.

      El Amor En Los Tiempos Del Colera

  2. ‘i hope i made you feel okay and not made it worse.’

    thanks for the concern but I’m not depressive or anything, I promise! 🙂 I just like to fill my days with the most random and nonsensical things possible; it makes me smile!

    1. hahaha. i am very happy to hear that. write on! being non-sensical is relative.

  3. It’s nice to know what you want and expressing them this way can be a stress relief… If you sit back and look at all your wants, you might be amused at all the wants you have inside…

    We seldom give in to our wants because I think we are thoughtful by nature and wouldn’t want to impose those wants to those around us.

    I find it healthy to ‘voice out’ all our wants! Hope to ‘hear’ more of your wants! Cheerio!

    1. we seldom give in to all our wants because if we do it’ll mean the end of the world.

  4. probably inserting my wet middle finger in the electrical outlet behind me will.

    I missed that one, John. No, I was not in transit, but yes, I was trying to do two things at once. Your posts certainly repay detailed reading.

    1. hahaha. take care. enjoy the rest of the evening there. i’m in the middle of my class here in the philippines.

      the post in your blog requires close reading.

  5. Well, it’s important at least to be able to say to yourself what you want. Identifying what you want is the first step to getting it.

    Of course, what you want may not be good for you…. but it doesn’t sound like anything on the above list is going to do you any permanent damage.

    1. you seem to be moving a lot, sdaedalus. always on transit, eh?

      probably inserting my wet middle finger in the electrical outlet behind me will.

      but yes, it is important to have a list, at least then i know what i need to do in the event things happen.

    1. hahaha. eat a lot demigoddess.

      i already did some of my wants that would not harm me much.

    1. francesca, welcome to wordpress. im glad you passed by. i hope i made you feel okay and not made it worse.

  6. Well, as a curious reader, I want to find out what caused this explosion of wanting. Do tell. There must be a reason.

    1. sdaedalus, we all want impossible things all the time. but we are ashamed to express these wants. last night, i had this urge to simply let go of stops and write them down. it was cathartic.

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