I found myself caught in a flurry of thoughts tonight. Then I remembered that there’s writing that I can always go back to. Work is tiring, this will not change any time soon. My media theories class this evening was, or schooling in general is, sort of interesting (I find this word very handy whenever I am groping for words, like now, or when I try to be less acrimonious than I usually am). Life in general is more peaceful these days. And I guess I want to keep it this way by not complicating it like I was wont to do in the past.
I am getting by, learning again the ropes of single-hood. But paradoxes apparently do not abandon me that easily. I am very single at this point but time I sadly do not have. I would want to subject myself to the torture, thrill, and torment of love, feel again its imagined bliss (or curse), but I guess love is a triviality when juxtaposed to the everyday epic I have to surmount. It’s something that can wait. I can live without it. It’s an idea that adds unnecessary weight to the baggage I carry around.
I am a free man again, nothing to think of, nothing to worry about, nothing. Just myself and its ego that’s bigger than the organism that contains it. I’m not willing to surrender this freedom any time soon.