While mending my broken heart, I decided to make this blog private because it is difficult seeing myself falling into the dark pit of self destruction. In a way I wanted to protect myself from me. I have been continually asking myself why I allowed things to go this way. But however I look at where everything is heading, it’s nowhere but the usual fate of relationships going sour: breakup. Am I holding on? Of course, I am. It’s the most rational thing to do. I want to hold on to my memories of us because only at times when I remember them do I feel everything around me is real. Otherwise, I am nothing. All these are nothing.
I miss you, very badly.
Buong araw akong nakabantay, nakatitig lang sa Facebook page mo.
Most will consider it scandalous to talk about enjoying a cup of freshly brewed coffee in the morning when everyone is supposed to be in his political animal mind these days. Elections are on Monday. And one cannot just write about the pretenses and the superficiality of the bliss of a cup of coffee without being viewed pretentious and shallow. It’s too light a topic. It’s a non-topic, for christsake! Any self-respecting, supposedly responsible citizen of this country must take part in this exercise, must be part of a nation desperately in need for change. But how shall I convince myself that all this be taken seriously? This is laughable, a comedy of basest sort. Comparing elections here in the Philippines to a circus has long gone trite. In fact, they’re expected to be circus-like, that they should be a circus.
Why have I boycotted the past elections and will definitely boycott this one as well?
Boycott is not exactly the most accurate word as there’s no hard line political reason I have not participated in this democratic exercise since I turned 18. I neither feel any compelling need to spectate in this farce nor do I think I can use my one vote to compel these politicians to do what should have been done a long time ago. Participating in this travesty will only add to the delusions of these jokers that I am complicit in their charade. I’d rather close my eyes, cover my ears and let Monday pass.
I don’t want to stop convincing myself that it isn’t over.
I left without looking back.