“You need to come to our store and experience our product,” says a Bose brand manager.
“We are in the cutting edge of sound technology, and we give our clients the chance to customize their music experience,” he enthusiastically adds as he holds his company’s latest product in front of the camera, touching what seems to be an application icon but which he refers to as a “product” (among the many products in a singular device he is holding).
He drops the word ‘experience’ once every two sentences.
“Here at Magnum, we give our customers the pleasure to indulge,” says the brand manager.
Looking straight at the camera without any sign of flinching, he adds, “We have 250,000 possible combinations of our Magnum bar with eighteen different toppings that will blow your mind away.”
His plaid shirt is framed by his khaki coat and unusually subdued pink tie. The young brand manager is almost my age.
Without any hint of irony in his voice, says, “My personal favorite is Magnum with potato chips and chili flakes. It’s so different.”
Then his spiel fades out with, “We also have an intense offering of comfort food,” as the background house music cross fades.
“From September 1 to 30, we will be online 24/7. And aside from being online we will be available in fiiiiiiive malls all over the country,” an autoloan bank manager says.
“It’s so easy; it’s crazy. Avail of our ridiculous price.”
Brand managers being interviewed on television are intense. After the salesman of encyclopedia so common before Wikipedia gobbled whole their market, brand managers spewing their spiels on TV are the third most irritating people one will meet in his lifetime.
They come almost too close to those who audition for artista searches on TV.
These brand managers are a bunch of driven and ambitious young men and women who’ve completely convinced themselves of the superiority, durability, benefits, and the seeming indispensability of goods they’re describing in glowing terms. A sense of the ridiculous has altogether abandoned them. It is, after all, like any forms of employment. Job requirements often force us in doing things we would otherwise not do if only we were given a better option. And for that I am sympathetic.
Perhaps they only need to learn some lessons on irony.