Retirement and living in the present

I’m spending my long weekend resting, playing with my cats, cleaning the condo, checking some papers of my students, and making a summary of my monthly expenses. I plan to purchase another retirement instrument, my third, in order to secure my old age. I got two earlier retirement plans under Philam and Insular Life and this third I am getting is under Sunlife. Given my very modest salary, and factoring in the two condominium units  I’m currently mortgaging for ten years and an HMO I have to complete paying in the next two years, by 45, I shall be ready to retire, go back to the province, and tend a small plot of land which I bought last year. Capital indeed perpetuates itself.

Security wasn’t my biggest value when I was in my early twenties. Back then, seizing life by the neck was my ultimate goal. I was willing to squander the future in the name of carpe-dieming, or YOLO-ing in the parlance of my students. I could risk it all for love and for that one moment. Now that I am a little older, I know better that this life and this city are only for the young and ambitious. I can toil here for another 10 years, build more capital, and when the time to say quits comes, I should be able to let go without much pain and love lost for this city where I have spent almost a third of my life.

I think I am writing this post because I want to put some order to my seemingly disorganized thoughts that are made more muddled by this suffocating November heat. No matter how many showers I take in a day, the stinging humidity reminds me endlessly of death and all the sad things that come with one’s last days. And I find comfort in the fact that my 60s will be spent comfortably with my family and the cats I will have by that time because Mimi and Tumi will not be with me anymore by then.

Funny how I had to look up for a nearby cremation service yesterday. And my cats are only eight months old. I shall be spending 10-15 more years with them. But they too will have to go, and the thought of their leaving me is more than enough to make me shed a tear.

If only entropy can be reversed and my two kitties be with me forever, and I don’t have to pay for all these retirement instruments and just enjoy the present.



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