Sorry is such a sad word. I have no idea whether this post can still change how things are as of the moment or where they will lead, probably it won’t. Every minute I check my phone and see that I am not receiving any reply I have been dying to receive, the hope wanes, the void widens, the possibility more real.
It’s that singular mistake I shall forever regret, of allowing that moment of weakness overcome my resolve to be a changed man and put everything back to where they were. Thinking that what we have shared was enough to rein in my latent vicious self, I lamely attempted stepping on to something I should not have ventured into, and for that I am where I am now. Right in the middle of utter wretchedness. If only I could undo things, I’d go back to that moment and would not do what I did. But things done cannot be undone. I am faced with my lack of strong argument to back my claims, but I guess there is nothing I can do to defend my case as defending it only entangles me further. Although admitting my mistake liberates me, nevertheless it meant a possible end to something. And that pain this end will definitely result in is bound to be unbearable.
I shall wait for that point that will determine the next course to take, where this shall take us both. As to where things lie this time, I cannot exactly say. I guess this is how souls caught in limbo feel. Gosh, even this obsolete metaphor fails to capture the feeling of uncertainty, pain, hollowness, lack of a clear sense of direction I feel right now.
I am genuinely sorry.