How to get those rock-hard abs?

How to get those rock-hard abs?

Asked an almost obese guy to an overly-muscular gym instructor in a TV ad that tries to sell a machine that promises to give a rock-hard abs in four minutes.

The obese guy, miraculously transformed himself into an Arnold Schwarzenegger-like specimen after two weeks. “Impossible, but true,” said the closing spiel of the fat-man-no-more.

Second to a huge penis, a modern man is obsessed with his abs. But unlike the penis whose length and girth are rather for life unless of course evasive surgery is done to extend it, which is beyond the capacity of most men to pay, developing the abs is generally easier, at least compared to penile enlargement.

Abs is a commonly used colloquialism for the abdominal muscles. It is the group of muscles running up and down in the abdominal wall that contains the rectus abdominus muscle, “rectus” meaning straight.”

Media has conditioned the consumers’ mind that abs is sought after by everyone, a sign of health, and discipline if we extend it further. Men, and even some women, want it because it looks good. And what looks good in a society like ours is not actually based on philosophical or metaphysical definition of aesthetics, rather beauty as how it is portrayed and misrepresented in television. So if a certain popular movie star is donning a stupid Mohawk haircut, then Mohawk, no matter how atrocious it looks, is going to be beautiful. Same is true with having abs.

However, as regards abs, no matter how hard the work out and long gym time time needed to ‘sculpt’, or impossible for some who are not genetically destined to have toned abdomen, most men still pursue it not wanting to abandon the dream of having six-packs, at whatever expense.

Here are simple, easy to follow guides to have this wash-board abs:

1. Do 10,000 crunches everyday, that is, if you have time to spare. (If you do it, say one second per sit up, then it will roughly take you 2 and a quarter hours, without rest, and you’re on your way towards having the dreamed abs.

2. If you are overly endowed with fat around the waist area, give up the 10,000 crunches scheme. You may have time to spare, but the sculpted abs will never appear unless you get rid of all those fats. Not eating anything for a week, is the best advice since your body fat will just be enough to supply your energy need. In a week’s time, six pack coming up!

3. If the first two do not work, and the content of your bank account is rather considerable plus the fact that blood doesn’t scare you, then liposuction is for you.

4. If the third one still doesn’t work then refer again to number one and do the entire process all over again.

According to a 2004 study conducted by David A. Frederick, Daniel M.T. Fessler and Martie G. Haselton of the University of California, Los Angeles, men overestimate the degree of muscularity that is attractive to women, and women overestimate the degree of thinness that is most attractive to men.

Consistent with the thesis that sociocultural input influences such body type preferences and beliefs, they postulated that magazines aimed at a male audience would portray a more muscular male body ideal than would magazines aimed at a female audience. Systematic comparison of popular magazines (Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Men’s Fitness, and Muscle & Fitness) revealed that the ideal male body marketed to men is more muscular than the ideal male body marketed to women.

Herein they introduced the Physical Trait Overvaluation Hypothesis, which proposes that gender-specific media fuel emphasis on certain body parts in within-gender prestige competitions. The resulting competitive escalation creates a disconnect between the preferences of one gender and the personal aspirations of the other.

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While searching for the definition of abs, I chanced to read this usage of the word: Abs are no longer abs, they’re queer abs, and anybody who has abs, is queer. It occured to me that although the study conducted by the UCLA Department of Psychology does hold water, it is worth mentioning that these male muscle magazines that target the male market also victimize a segment of that market: the homosexual health buffs, who like heterosexual males, are also inclined to be as muscular, with the development of the abs as their top priority (no study has been conducted so far with regard to this predilection for six packs).

For now, modern society’ penchant in having the toned, well-sculpted, abdominal muscle is here to stay.

A letter to John

Dear John,

You’re sick again? Why have you been taking your health for granted these days? Remember you’re alone in this foreign country and in the event that you become seriously ill, nobody will take care of you. It’s not as if you’re living with your mom and that there’ll be somebody who will replace the wet towel to quell your fever.

You do not eat well. You do not anymore enjoy eating the food that you used to like. I remember you told me that you could eat nem in every meal for the rest of your life, but now you eat for the sake of completing a boring task.

I see you walking everyday going to the bus stop, what’s the reason for that blank stare? I’m not so used seeing you looking expressionless. Sadness is better than not feeling anything. And I noticed that you also put aside writing these days. Why? You told me last time you’ll go crazy if you stop writing. Have you gone crazy?

I attended one of your classes. You seemed to be doing well, in fact very well, but why is it that you seemed too distant from your students. Why do you appear too mechanical, obligated? Has passion escaped you?

These thoughts may rather be random, but I know they reflect the kind of randomness that describes your mind this time. You’ve never had a decent sleep for several nights. You eat nothing but a choice between cheese burger or bolgogi burger in the nearest fast food chain store. You used to detest fast food, but why all of a sudden you eat nothing but these greasy junk.

We may never have had a chance to converse these past few days because of your self-inflicted preoccupation with so many unnecessary things. I do not understand why you have to do part-time when the grant you received from your scholarship is more than enough to pay all your expenses? I know you want nothing but to kill off boredom, but by doing so you also put in peril your health and one of the few non-negotiables in your life-writing. The first few chapters in your novels are waiting for you. The rest remain unwritten. Too sad, when will your characters develop into something mature?

You’ve changed a lot, John, in fact, I cannot anymore recognize. You’ve become a totally different person that when you happen see face to face your old self, it’ll never know you. It’ll never understand why this sudden change made you something different yet unchanged. I apologize for the cryptic language. But I know you understand this.

Good night.
Your self

p.s. Please take your medicine every four hours. Get well soon. Have enough rest.