The character is enmeshed, to his consternation, in an almost inescapable trap he has unwittingly set himself in, a character caught in the architectonics of a metanarrative of dubious origin. In the middle of a cold, septic room, he beheld glimpses of seemingly unreal soirees of the supposed ambiguous but in fact meaningless discourses. Discourses that camouflage as a repetitious matrix of sensible ideas that crumble to dust upon closer scrutiny.
Going against the current 
PPS: That Dostoevsky quote is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Had I not renounced violence at the age of nine (out of necessity when everyone else in my class at school grew bigger than me, I am nothing if not practical) I would be tempted to hit him over the head.
i just made a response to this in my latest post. it occurred to me that i only needed somebody to tell me something that has been apparent to me for a very long time.
PS: “Eejit” is Hiberno-Irish for fool, idiot, someone incompetent or with low talent.
By definition, an eejit is so stupid they never realise what an eejit they are. Ergo, if you have ever felt an eejit, this means that you are not one.
thank God, I always feel that I am.
Thanks.
I suspect that your character, like you, is a bit inclined to be too hard on himself. We all project aspects of ourself into our characters.
I’ve said it before (I can’t remember whether to you or not) it is the really good people with talent who tend to be hardest on themselves, the other eejits don’t even know what is lacking.
The really sad thing is, a lot of the time it is the really good people who get fed up with being unable to reach perfection and give up, this is so incredibly frustrating to watch, only the eejits are left and of course then everyone thinks they must be good. This is so incredibly annoying, I hate to see it happening.
This is a big Irish problem by the way, this is why our country is in such a mess. I have no idea if it is the same where you come from.
A lovely afternoon to you too.
i think ireland and the philippines have so many things in common. the bureaucracy and red tape in my country are keeping a lot of things from being done. for some people who cannot anymore bear these stumbling blocks, leaving the country/totally severing their ties from everything or both make better options.
Oh dear. Maybe your character is being a bit too hard on himself.
We all experience periods of self-doubt when we feel everything is wrong & we should just give it all up, it is the all or nothing syndrome. I am inclined this way myself, but usually when I pull it all down it is a lot of work putting it back together again and it usually doesn’t end up much better.
Probably just a slight adjustment would do it, without tearing down the entire matrix.
He probably thought he was 100% of the way when he was 90% of the way, this doesn’t mean he should go and pull it all down, it doesn’t sound like the foundations were wrong or anything.
There’s a lot to be said just for taking what you’ve got & fine tuning it, make it the best it can be within its limitations. When you have it completed you can always put it to one side and start again.
Perfection is thankfully not possible in this world, only in hell.
sdaedalus,
you nailed it right where it needed the hammering. the character, although i have no right say things on his behalf, is in the middle of a fallacious existential either/or ambiguity. he does not know what to do next because he has remained victimized by his unforgiving self.
and thank God you’re here. thanks for reminding me that this character needs a breather, that running after perfection is futile, even a semblance of it is in the long run debilitating.
i could never be more grateful for letting me see him in this light. a pleasant afternoon from here.